“Father and Son” by Mary Nagy: A Critical Analysis

Introduction: “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

“Father and Son” by Mary Nagy, first appeared in her poetry collection published in 2002, explores themes of familial relationships, emotional distance, and the generational gap between a father and his son, highlighting the struggle for connection amidst unspoken expectations and misunderstandings. Nagy’s powerful use of language and poignant depiction of common familial tensions make the poem widely relatable, resonating with readers who have experienced similar dynamics within their own families. Its popularity stems from its universal themes and Nagy’s ability to evoke empathy and reflection, capturing the complexities of love and estrangement in familial bonds.

Text: “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

You’re standing in the doorway.
Your workday is all done.
He waits to see you everyday,
this boy that is your son.

He hopes you will go fishing.
He hopes you’ll shoot the gun.
He just wants to be with you,
this boy that is your son.

He is your spitting image.
To him you are ”The One”.
He hopes to be just like you,
this boy that is your son.

You show him what a man is.
You teach as you have fun.
You are admired as well as loved
by this boy that is your son.

You’ve got a friend forever.
Until the world is done.
Then, still you will be holding
this man that is your son.

Annotations: “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

Line	Annotation
“You’re standing in the doorway.”	The poem opens with a physical and symbolic image of the father standing in the doorway, possibly implying a distance or threshold between him and his son.
“Your workday is all done.”	This line suggests the father’s return home from work, a daily routine that defines much of his identity and sets the context for his relationship with his son.
“He waits to see you everyday,”	The son eagerly anticipates his father’s arrival, showing his longing for connection and time spent together.
“this boy that is your son.”	This line emphasizes the son’s identity in relation to his father, highlighting both familial pride and expectation.
“He hopes you will go fishing.”	Fishing symbolizes a traditional father-son bonding activity, one that the son desires as a means of connection.
“He hopes you’ll shoot the gun.”	This line introduces an activity associated with masculinity and adventure, reflecting the son’s admiration and desire to share his father’s interests.
“He just wants to be with you,”	Shows the son’s simple, unconditional wish to spend time with his father, indicating a yearning for presence over activity.
“this boy that is your son.”	The repetition underscores the boy’s innocence and his profound emotional attachment to his father.
“He is your spitting image.”	Suggests that the son resembles his father physically, reinforcing a legacy or continuation of the father’s identity in the son.
“To him you are ‘The One’.”	The father is depicted as a hero or ideal figure in the son’s eyes, highlighting the son’s admiration and idolization.
“He hopes to be just like you,”	Reflects the son’s aspiration to emulate his father, embodying a desire for approval and identity shaped by paternal influence.
“this boy that is your son.”	Repeating this line again emphasizes the son’s role in the father’s life and his aspiration to belong to his father’s world.
“You show him what a man is.”	The father is portrayed as a role model, consciously or unconsciously setting an example of masculinity and adulthood.
“You teach as you have fun.”	Suggests that lessons are imparted informally through shared activities, blending teaching with bonding and enjoyment.
“You are admired as well as loved”	Indicates a dual layer of affection, where the son’s love is enhanced by respect and admiration for his father’s qualities.
“by this boy that is your son.”	Reiteration reinforces the father-son bond and the son’s admiration, emphasizing his deep regard for his father.
“You’ve got a friend forever.”	This line shifts to a future outlook, suggesting a lasting friendship and loyalty that transcends time.
“Until the world is done.”	Implies an eternal, unconditional bond between father and son, extending beyond the limits of worldly existence.
“Then, still you will be holding”	Evokes an image of a protective and supportive relationship that continues beyond the son’s childhood and into his adulthood.
“this man that is your son.”	The son is now referred to as a “man,” signaling growth and continuity, yet his connection to his father remains deeply rooted.

Literary And Poetic Devices: “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

Literary Device	Example	Explanation
Alliteration	“boy that is your son”	Repetition of the initial “b” sound creates rhythm and emphasizes the connection between father and son.
Anaphora	“He hopes… He hopes…”	Repetition of phrases at the beginning of successive lines emphasizes the son’s desires and longing.
Assonance	“day” and “waits”	The repetition of vowel sounds in nearby words creates a sense of harmony and flow within the line.
Caesura	“Until the world is done.”	The pause in this line adds gravity to the concept of a timeless, unbreakable bond.
Connotation	“spitting image”	Implies that the son not only looks like his father but also embodies similar qualities and characteristics.
End Rhyme	“done” and “son”	Rhyming words at the end of lines create a lyrical quality and unity within the stanzas.
Epiphora	“this boy that is your son” (repeated line)	Repetition at the end of multiple lines emphasizes the son’s identity in relation to the father.
Hyperbole	“You’ve got a friend forever”	Exaggerates the strength of the bond, suggesting it is eternal and unbreakable.
Imagery	“You’re standing in the doorway”	Creates a vivid image of the father arriving home, setting the scene for the father-son interaction.
Irony	“spitting image” but father is distant	The son may look like his father, but the relationship hints at an emotional distance between them.
Metaphor	“You show him what a man is”	The father represents an idealized version of masculinity for the son, symbolizing role modeling.
Meter	Generally consistent iambic pattern	The poem’s rhythmic pattern mirrors traditional songs, reinforcing the bond as enduring and ritualistic.
Mood	Warm and nostalgic	The poem evokes warmth and sentimentality, reflecting the cherished bond between father and son.
Parallelism	“He hopes… He hopes…”	Repeated sentence structures highlight the son’s expectations and create rhythm within the stanzas.
Personification	“Until the world is done”	Giving the world a lifespan implies that even time itself cannot end the father-son bond.
Refrain	“this boy that is your son”	The recurring line reinforces the theme of familial pride and the father’s constant place in the son’s life.
Repetition	“boy that is your son” throughout	Reinforces the son’s identity and connection to his father, adding to the poem’s rhythmic and thematic unity.
Rhyme Scheme	AABB in each stanza	The simple rhyme scheme gives the poem a song-like quality, reflecting the innocence and purity of the son’s love.
Symbolism	“fishing” and “shoot the gun”	These traditional father-son activities symbolize bonding and passing down masculine traits.
Tone	Loving and admiring	The tone reflects the son’s admiration for his father and the sense of a sacred, unspoken love.

Themes: “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

1. Admiration and Hero Worship: The poem emphasizes the son’s admiration for his father, portraying him as a heroic figure. Lines like “To him you are ‘The One'” reflect the son’s idolization, suggesting he views his father as a role model. This admiration is further illustrated as the son desires to emulate his father, with phrases like “He hopes to be just like you”. The son’s reverence and deep respect underpin the poem’s emotional core, showing how a child can view a parent as their ultimate figure of greatness.
2. Bonding and Legacy: The poem underscores the significance of bonding activities, which allow the father to impart life lessons and values to his son. The line “He hopes you will go fishing. He hopes you’ll shoot the gun” symbolizes traditional father-son activities that help build memories and reinforce their connection. Through these shared moments, the father passes down a legacy, teaching his son what it means to be a man while creating a lasting emotional imprint on him.
3. Unconditional Love and Connection: The poem highlights the profound, unconditional love that exists between father and son. The line “You’ve got a friend forever” shows the son’s unwavering loyalty and affection, suggesting that the bond transcends time and circumstances. Even as the son grows older, the connection remains strong, symbolized by “Then, still you will be holding this man that is your son”. This conveys a love that endures beyond childhood, showcasing a bond unbroken by age or change.
4. Role Modeling and Masculinity: The father’s role as a guide and teacher to his son is a prominent theme, as he models what it means to be a man. In the line “You show him what a man is”, the father’s actions and demeanor serve as a template for his son’s understanding of masculinity. As the father naturally “teaches as he has fun”, he imparts values and qualities that will shape the boy’s identity, instilling in him the qualities he admires. This theme underscores the role of fathers in shaping their sons’ character and ideals.

Literary Theories and “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

Literary Theory	Application to “Father and Son”	References from the Poem
Psychoanalytic Theory	Examines the subconscious desires, admiration, and identity formation in the relationship between the father and son. The son’s idolization of his father suggests he views him as a primary figure in his development, representing an idealized masculine identity.	Lines like “He hopes to be just like you” reveal the son’s desire to mirror his father, indicating the son’s subconscious wish to form his identity based on his father’s image.
Structuralism	Analyzes the repetitive structures and symbolic meaning in the poem, particularly focusing on the refrain “this boy that is your son” to reinforce the central relationship. Structuralism also highlights binary oppositions, such as admiration versus distance, which can reflect unspoken complexities.	The line “this boy that is your son” is a recurring refrain that provides a structural framework, emphasizing the father-son bond. The opposition between closeness and potential emotional distance also reveals layers in the relationship.
Gender Studies	Explores the portrayal of masculinity and fatherhood, analyzing how traditional male roles and bonding activities like “fishing” and “shoot the gun” are used to define and convey masculine ideals. This theory questions societal expectations and the father’s influence on the son’s understanding of gender roles.	Lines like “He hopes you will go fishing” and “He hopes you’ll shoot the gun” represent masculine-coded activities, suggesting the father’s influence on the son’s perception of manhood and gendered expectations.

Critical Questions about “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

• How does the son’s admiration for his father shape his identity and perception of masculinity?
• The son’s admiration for his father plays a crucial role in shaping his sense of self and understanding of masculinity. The line “He hopes to be just like you” suggests the son’s desire to mirror his father’s behavior and values, indicating that he sees his father as an ideal model for manhood. This desire for imitation shows that the father’s actions are not only observed but are internalized by the son, who associates these actions with what it means to be a man. Through the son’s consistent efforts to emulate his father, the poem conveys how a child’s identity and perception of gender roles are heavily influenced by parental figures.
• What does the poem suggest about the impact of shared activities on familial bonds?
• The poem implies that shared activities, especially those associated with traditional masculine roles, serve as vital touchpoints in strengthening the father-son bond. Lines such as “He hopes you will go fishing. He hopes you’ll shoot the gun” highlight the son’s anticipation for activities that not only entertain but also foster closeness and understanding between him and his father. These activities are presented as more than pastimes; they symbolize a father’s guidance and the shared experiences that underpin familial connection. By spending time together in these moments, the poem suggests, the father is not only creating memories but also building a foundation of trust and admiration in his son.
• How does the poem address the theme of unconditional love within family relationships?
• Unconditional love is portrayed as an enduring and unbreakable bond that transcends time, depicted by the line “You’ve got a friend forever. Until the world is done.” This expression of lasting affection emphasizes that the son’s love and loyalty are constant, enduring beyond childhood and remaining strong into adulthood. The closing lines, “Then, still you will be holding this man that is your son,” show that the relationship has matured, yet the love between father and son remains unchanged. The son’s steadfast affection suggests a bond rooted not only in shared experiences but in a fundamental, lifelong connection.
• In what ways does the poem explore the influence of a father as a role model?
• The poem explores the father’s influence as a role model by depicting him as both admired and emulated by his son. The line “You show him what a man is” reflects the father’s role as an unwitting teacher, with his behaviors and attitudes serving as a guide for the son’s understanding of masculinity. Through activities and everyday interactions, the father’s example shapes the son’s perception of strength, character, and what it means to be a “man.” This modeling, often subtle and embedded in routine actions, underscores the idea that a parent’s influence extends beyond words, shaping a child’s values and self-perception through example and presence.

Literary Works Similar to “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

1. “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden – Explores the unspoken love and sacrifices of a father, highlighting themes of familial admiration and duty.
2. “My Papa’s Waltz” by Theodore Roethke – Depicts the complex and intimate bond between father and son through a shared activity, blending admiration with subtle tension.
3. “The Gift” by Li-Young Lee – Reflects on the memories of a father’s nurturing presence, capturing the tenderness and legacy passed from parent to child.
4. “Follower” by Seamus Heaney – Illustrates a son’s admiration for his father’s work and strength, underscoring themes of emulation and the passage of time.
5. “Digging” by Seamus Heaney – Highlights a son’s reverence for his father’s labor, using metaphor to explore familial pride and the desire to follow in his father’s footsteps.

Representative Quotations of “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

Quotation	Context	Theoretical Perspective
“You’re standing in the doorway.”	The poem opens with the image of the father arriving home, setting up the father-son dynamic.	Psychoanalytic – Represents a boundary between father and son, hinting at closeness and potential emotional distance.
“He waits to see you everyday, this boy that is your son.”	The son eagerly awaits his father’s return, highlighting his admiration and yearning.	Attachment Theory – Shows the son’s dependence on his father for emotional security and identity.
“He hopes you will go fishing. He hopes you’ll shoot the gun.”	The son desires to bond with his father through traditional activities.	Gender Studies – Reflects societal symbols of masculinity, which the son seeks to emulate with his father.
“He just wants to be with you, this boy that is your son.”	Emphasizes the son’s simple, unconditional wish for his father’s presence.	Humanistic Perspective – Captures the son’s innate need for connection, central to meaningful relationships.
“He is your spitting image.”	Highlights the physical and perhaps behavioral resemblance between father and son.	Structuralism – Symbolizes legacy and continuity, with the father’s identity reflected in the son.
“To him you are ‘The One’.”	The son idolizes his father, seeing him as a heroic figure.	Psychoanalytic Theory – Shows the son’s idealization of his father as an authority figure in early development.
“You show him what a man is.”	The father embodies masculinity, teaching by example.	Gender Studies – Demonstrates how traditional gender roles and ideals of masculinity are passed down.
“You teach as you have fun.”	Emphasizes that the father imparts lessons informally during shared activities.	Educational Theory – Reflects the value of experiential learning, where informal interactions are part of moral education.
“You’ve got a friend forever.”	Suggests an enduring loyalty and friendship between father and son.	Existentialism – Expresses a lifelong bond transcending roles, reflecting a shared existential connection.
“Then, still you will be holding this man that is your son.”	The bond continues into adulthood, even as the son matures.	Developmental Psychology – Shows an evolving relationship, where the nurturing bond remains strong despite the son’s independence.

Suggested Readings: “Father and Son” by Mary Nagy

1. Nagy, Mary. Poems. Poem Hunter, [n.d.]. Web. Accessed 29 Oct. 2024. https://www.poemhunter.com/mary-nagy/
2. Nagy, Mary. The Place I Search For. Mary Nagy, 2006. Print.