“Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff: A Critical Analysis

Introduction: “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

“Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff first appeared in print in 1985, though the exact collection or magazine publication remains uncertain. The story’s strength lies in its ability to address the sensitive topic of race and interpersonal understanding within a seemingly ordinary domestic setting. Through its taut dialogue, the narrative builds tension between the couple, culminating in an ironic resolution that exposes the limitations of self-awareness and true connection, even within a seemingly close relationship.

Main Events in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

• Introduction of Characters and Setting
  • The husband and wife are washing dishes together, engaging in casual conversation.
• Conflict Arises
  • Disagreement over interracial marriage emerges during their conversation.
  • Husband expresses his belief that interracial marriage is problematic due to cultural differences.
  • Wife challenges husband’s viewpoint, leading to tension between them.
• Tension Escalates
  • Husband becomes defensive and frustrated, feeling misunderstood.
  • Wife accidentally cuts her thumb, adding physical tension to the situation.
• Resolution Attempt
  • Husband rushes to help and tends to wife’s wound, attempting to diffuse the tension.
  • Wife insists on continuing the conversation, pushing the conflict forward.
• Intensifying Conflict
  • Husband feels cornered as wife challenges him to reconsider his stance.
  • Wife hypothetically places herself as a black woman, directly confronting husband’s beliefs.
• Climax
  • Wife directly asks if husband would marry her if she were black.
  • Husband hesitates and ultimately rejects the idea, leading to a significant emotional moment.
• Aftermath
  • Wife shows her anger and indifference by ignoring husband.
  • Husband, feeling hurt, tries to demonstrate indifference through meticulous cleaning.
• Resolution
  • Husband apologizes and offers to marry wife as a gesture of reconciliation.
  • Wife responds ambiguously, leaving the resolution uncertain.

Literary Devices in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

Literary Device	Example from “Say Yes”	Explanation
Allusion	Reference to the debating club where the husband met a black girl	The husband mentions his past experience in the debating club, indirectly alluding to his interactions with people of different races.
Ambiguity	Wife’s ambiguous response to husband’s proposal at the end	The wife’s response to the husband’s proposal leaves the outcome uncertain, adding ambiguity to the resolution of their conflict.
Conflict	Disagreement over interracial marriage between husband and wife	The central conflict of the story revolves around the differing views of the husband and wife regarding interracial marriage, leading to tension and argumentation between them.
Dialogue	Conversations between husband and wife about interracial marriage	The story primarily unfolds through dialogues between the husband and wife, revealing their conflicting perspectives and emotional dynamics.
Foreshadowing	Husband’s defensive behavior foreshadows future tension	The husband’s defensive behavior during the conversation about interracial marriage foreshadows the escalation of tension between him and his wife.
Imagery	Description of blood dripping from wife’s thumb	The vivid description of blood dripping from the wife’s thumb creates a visual image that emphasizes the physical and emotional intensity of the moment.
Irony	Husband’s attempt to demonstrate indifference through meticulous cleaning	The husband’s meticulous cleaning of the kitchen, intended to demonstrate indifference to his wife, ironically reveals his underlying emotions and desire for reconciliation.
Metaphor	Comparison of the husband and wife’s relationship to the kitchen	The husband’s cleaning of the kitchen symbolizes his efforts to repair and maintain their relationship, drawing a metaphorical parallel between the state of the kitchen and their marital harmony.
Mood	Tension created during the conversation about interracial marriage	The mood of the story shifts from casual to tense as the conversation about interracial marriage intensifies, reflecting the emotional atmosphere between the husband and wife.
Motif	Washing dishes symbolizing marital dynamics	The act of washing dishes serves as a recurring motif throughout the story, symbolizing the ongoing dynamics of the husband and wife’s relationship and their attempts to resolve conflicts.
Personification	Description of the kitchen looking new after cleaning	The kitchen looking new after cleaning personifies the space, attributing human qualities to it and emphasizing the transformative effect of the husband’s actions on their environment.
Repetition	Wife repeating husband’s words to challenge his perspective	The wife’s repetition of the husband’s words, such as “different, not the same, like us,” serves to challenge his viewpoint and highlight the contradictions in his arguments.
Setting	Kitchen setting where most of the story takes place	The kitchen serves as the primary setting of the story, providing a domestic backdrop for the interactions between the husband and wife and emphasizing the intimacy and familiarity of their conflict.
Simile	Comparison of husband’s heart pounding to their first night together	The husband’s heart pounding “the way it had on their first night together” creates a simile that compares the intensity of his emotions in the present moment to the excitement of their early relationship.
Symbolism	Blood drop symbolizing emotional wound	The drop of blood from the wife’s thumb symbolizes the emotional wound inflicted upon their relationship during their argument about interracial marriage, highlighting the lasting impact of their conflict.
Theme	Examination of interracial marriage and communication	The story explores themes of interracial marriage and communication within a relationship, delving into the complexities of cultural differences and the challenges of understanding and accepting differing viewpoints.
Tone	Defensive tone adopted by the husband during the conversation	The husband’s defensive tone reflects his insecurity and discomfort as he defends his perspective on interracial marriage, contributing to the escalating tension between him and his wife.
Understatement	Downplaying the severity of the wife’s wound by the husband	The husband’s remark that the wife’s wound “is shallow” and that “tomorrow you won’t even know it’s there” serves as an understatement, minimizing the significance of her injury compared to the underlying emotional conflict.
Unreliable Narrator	Husband’s biased perspective on interracial marriage	The story presents the husband’s biased perspective on interracial marriage, portraying him as an unreliable narrator whose views are influenced by his own prejudices and limited understanding.
Word Choice	Use of words like “dirty” and “shallow” during the argument	The choice of words such as “dirty” and “shallow” during the argument reflects the husband’s negative attitude towards interracial marriage and his dismissive attitude towards his wife’s concerns, contributing to the escalating conflict.

Characterization in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

Major Characters:

1. The Husband:
   • Description: The husband is a central character in the story, whose perspective is primarily presented. He is characterized by his defensive nature, traditional views on marriage, and underlying insecurities.
   • Examples:
     • He actively engages in household chores like washing dishes, portraying him as considerate and involved in domestic responsibilities.
     • His defensive attitude is evident during the conversation about interracial marriage, where he becomes agitated and defensive when his viewpoint is challenged.
     • His hesitation and ultimate rejection of the hypothetical scenario where his wife asks if he would marry her if she were black reveal his conservative beliefs and reluctance to confront his biases.
2. The Wife:
   • Description: The wife serves as a foil to the husband, challenging his beliefs and pushing him to reconsider his perspective on interracial marriage. She is portrayed as assertive, open-minded, and willing to confront uncomfortable truths.
   • Examples:
     • She challenges the husband’s views on interracial marriage, expressing her disagreement and advocating for a more inclusive and open-minded perspective.
     • Her willingness to engage in difficult conversations and push the husband to confront his biases is evident throughout the story.
     • Despite her assertiveness, she also demonstrates vulnerability, as seen when she accidentally cuts her thumb and seeks comfort from the husband.

Minor Characters:

1. Friend of Wife:
   • Description: Mentioned briefly in the story, the friend of the wife serves as an external influence that indirectly affects the husband’s behavior and perspective.
   • Example:
     • The husband recalls overhearing the friend congratulating the wife on having a considerate husband, which influences his behavior and motivates him to actively participate in household chores.
2. Black Girl from Husband’s Past:
   • Description: Referred to briefly in the story, the black girl from the husband’s past serves as a point of reference for his interactions with individuals from different racial backgrounds.
   • Example:
     • The husband mentions that the only black girl he knew was his partner in the debating club, suggesting limited exposure to diversity and potentially shaping his perspectives on interracial relationships.

Major Themes in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wollf

• Interracial Marriage:
  • The story revolves around the husband and wife’s differing perspectives on interracial marriage. The husband expresses reservations about the idea, citing cultural differences and societal norms as reasons for his reluctance. For example, he argues that individuals from different cultural backgrounds cannot truly understand each other, reflecting common societal biases against interracial relationships. Conversely, the wife challenges his viewpoint, advocating for love and mutual understanding as the basis for successful marriages regardless of race.
• Communication Within Relationships:
  • A key theme in “Say Yes” is the importance of effective communication within relationships. The husband and wife’s conversation about interracial marriage serves as a catalyst for deeper issues within their marriage. Their failure to truly listen to each other and empathize with differing perspectives leads to escalating tension and unresolved conflict. For instance, the husband’s defensive responses and the wife’s assertiveness highlight the breakdown in communication as they struggle to connect and understand each other’s viewpoints.
• Prejudice and Implicit Bias:
  • The story confronts issues of prejudice and implicit bias, particularly regarding racial stereotypes and societal norms. The husband’s reluctance to entertain the idea of marrying a black woman exposes underlying racial prejudices, despite his claims of not being racist. This is evident when he defensively argues against interracial marriage, revealing his own biases and preconceptions. The story prompts readers to examine their own implicit biases and societal conditioning, challenging them to confront uncomfortable truths about prejudice and discrimination.
• Complexity of Human Emotions:
  • “Say Yes” delves into the complexity of human emotions, portraying the characters’ vulnerability and insecurities amidst their disagreement. The husband’s internal turmoil and the wife’s emotional resilience underscore the intricate layers of love, fear, and uncertainty that define human relationships. For instance, the husband’s hesitation and ultimate rejection of the hypothetical scenario where his wife asks if he would marry her if she were black reveal the deep-seated emotions and fears that underlie their interaction. Through these themes, Wolff crafts a nuanced exploration of the human experience, prompting readers to reflect on the complexities of love, identity, and societal expectations.

Writing Style in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wollf

• Conversational Tone:
  • The story adopts a conversational tone, mirroring the natural flow of dialogue between the husband and wife.
  • The dialogue feels authentic and realistic, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the characters’ interactions.
• Direct Narrative Style:
  • The narrative is straightforward and direct, focusing on the unfolding conversation between the husband and wife.
  • There is minimal embellishment or ornate language, emphasizing the clarity and immediacy of the communication between the characters.
• Descriptive Language:
  • Descriptive language is used sparingly but effectively to create vivid imagery and enhance key moments in the story.
  • Vivid descriptions, such as the depiction of blood dripping from the wife’s thumb, evoke sensory experiences and heighten the emotional impact of the scene.
• Internal Monologue:
  • The story occasionally delves into the internal thoughts and reflections of the husband, providing insight into his motivations and emotions.
  • Internal monologue offers readers a glimpse into the character’s inner turmoil and reinforces the conflict between his public and private personas.
• Symbolism and Metaphor:
  • Symbolism and metaphor are employed to enrich the narrative and convey deeper thematic layers.
  • The act of washing dishes symbolizes the ongoing dynamics of the husband and wife’s relationship, while the meticulous cleaning of the kitchen serves as a metaphor for the husband’s efforts to repair their marital harmony.
• Subtle Irony:
  • The story incorporates subtle irony to underscore the characters’ misunderstandings and the complexity of their relationship.
  • Irony is evident in moments where the characters’ actions or statements inadvertently reveal deeper truths about their attitudes and vulnerabilities.
• Emotional Resonance:
  • The writing style elicits emotional resonance by capturing the nuanced dynamics of the husband and wife’s relationship.
  • Readers are drawn into the characters’ conflicting perspectives and emotional struggles, fostering empathy and engagement with the story.

Literary Theories and Interpretation of “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

Literary Theory	Interpretation	Examples
Feminist Criticism	Feminist criticism exposes how gender roles and power dynamics shape the narrative. In “Say Yes,” Tobias Wolff subtly explores these dynamics through the seemingly mundane act of doing the dishes. The story opens with the husband highlighting his housework, emphasizing a need for external validation in traditionally feminine chores. This sets the stage for a power struggle disguised as a conversation about interracial marriage. The husband attempts to silence the wife’s dissent with the dismissive, “You’re being emotional,” undermining her perspective and reinforcing traditional gender roles. As the argument progresses, the wife experiences “a cold dread rising in her chest” and questions, “Was this really the man she’d married?” This internal conflict suggests a potential identity crisis as her previously held assumptions about the relationship and her husband are challenged.	* Story opening highlighting the husband’s housework * Husband dismissing the wife’s opinion with “You’re being emotional” * Wife questioning her identity
Socialist Criticism	Socialist criticism examines how social class and societal structures influence characters and their actions. While “Say Yes” doesn’t explicitly mention social class, the couple’s comfortable lifestyle suggests a certain privilege that allows them to focus on domestic issues rather than more pressing social or economic concerns. However, it is through this lens that the husband’s prejudice against interracial relationships becomes particularly striking. His views reflect societal biases that limit opportunities for certain groups and perpetuate social inequalities.	* The couple’s seemingly comfortable lifestyle * The husband’s prejudice against interracial marriage

Note:

• Literary criticism offers a variety of approaches to analyzing literature. This table explores two possible interpretations, but there are many other valid schools of thought.
• Additional theories, such as reader-response criticism or psychoanalytic criticism, could also be applied to gain deeper insights into “Say Yes.”

Topics, Questions and Thesis Statements about “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

Topic	Questions	Thesis Statements
Interracial Marriage	– How do the husband and wife’s views on interracial marriage differ? – What societal attitudes and prejudices regarding interracial marriage are reflected in the story?	In “Say Yes,” Tobias Wolff explores the complexities of interracial marriage through the conflicting perspectives of the husband and wife, shedding light on societal biases and challenging conventional norms.
Communication within Relationships	– How does the conversation about interracial marriage impact the husband and wife’s relationship? – What role does effective communication play in resolving conflicts within the marriage?	Effective communication is portrayed as essential for navigating conflicts and maintaining marital harmony in Tobias Wolff’s “Say Yes,” as demonstrated through the breakdown in communication between the husband and wife during their disagreement.
Prejudice and Implicit Bias	– What instances of prejudice and implicit bias are evident in the story? – How do the characters’ attitudes towards interracial marriage reflect broader societal prejudices?	“Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff highlights the prevalence of prejudice and implicit bias in society, particularly regarding interracial relationships, prompting readers to examine their own biases and confront uncomfortable truths about discrimination.
Complexity of Human Emotions	– How do the husband and wife’s emotions evolve throughout the story? – What deeper emotions and fears underlie their interaction about interracial marriage?	Through the exploration of the husband and wife’s complex emotions and vulnerabilities, “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff offers a nuanced portrayal of the human experience, revealing the intricacies of love, identity, and societal expectations.

Short Questions/Answers about/on “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

1. What is the central conflict in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff? The central conflict in “Say Yes” revolves around the husband and wife’s differing perspectives on interracial marriage. While the husband expresses reservations about the idea, citing cultural differences and societal norms, the wife challenges his viewpoint, advocating for love and mutual understanding as the basis for successful marriages regardless of race. Their disagreement escalates throughout the story, reflecting broader societal tensions and prejudices surrounding interracial relationships.
2. How does communication contribute to the tension in “Say Yes”? Communication plays a pivotal role in contributing to the tension between the husband and wife in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff. Their failure to truly listen to each other and empathize with differing perspectives leads to escalating conflict and unresolved tension. The husband’s defensive responses and the wife’s assertiveness highlight the breakdown in communication as they struggle to connect and understand each other’s viewpoints, ultimately exacerbating the conflict.
3. What role does prejudice play in “Say Yes”? Prejudice and implicit bias are significant themes in “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff, particularly regarding racial stereotypes and societal norms. The husband’s reluctance to entertain the idea of marrying a black woman exposes underlying racial prejudices, despite his claims of not being racist. His defensive arguments against interracial marriage reveal his own biases and preconceptions, prompting readers to reflect on societal conditioning and confront uncomfortable truths about discrimination.
4. How do the characters’ emotions evolve throughout “Say Yes”? In “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff, the characters’ emotions undergo significant evolution as the story unfolds. Initially, the husband’s defensive demeanor and the wife’s assertiveness reflect their differing perspectives on interracial marriage. However, as the conversation escalates and tensions rise, deeper emotions and vulnerabilities come to the surface. The husband’s internal turmoil and the wife’s emotional resilience underscore the intricate layers of love, fear, and uncertainty that define their relationship, prompting readers to reflect on the complexities of human emotions.

Literary Works Similar to “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

1. “Hills Like White Elephants” by Ernest Hemingway: This short story explores themes of communication, conflict, and cultural differences through a conversation between a man and a woman at a train station. Like “Say Yes,” it delves into the complexities of relationships and the challenges of conveying meaning through dialogue.
2. “Interpreter of Maladies” by Jhumpa Lahiri: This collection of short stories examines themes of identity, communication, and cultural clashes within relationships. Like “Say Yes,” many of the stories revolve around interpersonal conflicts and the nuances of human connection.
3. “The Story of an Hour” by Kate Chopin: This classic short story delves into themes of marriage, freedom, and individuality. Like “Say Yes,” it explores the complexities of relationships and the impact of societal norms on personal autonomy.
4. “Everyday Use” by Alice Walker: This short story explores themes of heritage, identity, and familial conflict. Like “Say Yes,” it delves into the tensions that arise when individuals hold different perspectives and values within a family dynamic.
5. “Cat in the Rain” by Ernest Hemingway: Another short story by Hemingway, “Cat in the Rain” explores themes of loneliness, communication, and unfulfilled desires. Like “Say Yes,” it delves into the intricacies of human relationships and the emotional distance that can exist between individuals.

Suggested Readings about/on “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

Sources

• MAMBROL, NASRULLAH. “Analysis of Tobias Wolff’s Stories.”
• Sykes, Carol A. “Albee’s Beast Fables:” The Zoo Story” and” A Delicate Balance”.” Educational Theatre Journal 25.4 (1973): 448-455.
• Eyre, Richard, and Carole Zucker. In the company of actors: Reflections on the craft of acting. Routledge, 2016.
• Lyons, Bonnie, Bill Oliver, and Tobias Wolff. “An Interview with Tobias Wolff.” Contemporary literature 31.1 (1990): 1-16.
• Wolff, Tobias. This boy’s life: A memoir. Grove/Atlantic, Inc., 2007.

Representative Quotations from “Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff

Quotation	Context	Theorization
“Unlike most men he knew, he really pitched in on the housework.”	Demonstrates the husband’s effort to contribute to household chores, indicating his desire to be considerate and helpful in his marriage.	Sets the stage for the ensuing conversation about interracial marriage, suggesting potential conflicts between perceived considerateness and deeper issues.
“I just don’t see what’s wrong with a white person marrying a black person, that’s all.”	The wife expresses her perspective on interracial marriage, advocating for love over cultural differences. Initiates the debate between the couple, illustrating their differing views.	Highlights the complexities of societal norms and personal beliefs, laying bare the nuances of interracial relationships and the challenges they pose.
“If you were black you wouldn’t be you.”	The husband asserts his belief that racial identity fundamentally shapes an individual’s identity, reflecting his reluctance to entertain the hypothetical scenario proposed by his wife.	Reveals the husband’s adherence to societal norms and resistance to challenging his own biases, shedding light on the complexities of identity and self-perception within relationships.
“She was demonstrating her indifference to him, and it had the effect he knew she wanted it to have.”	Depicts the wife’s deliberate attempt to assert control and elicit a specific response from her husband, showcasing the complexities of their interactions and underlying tensions.	Highlights the dynamics of emotional manipulation and power struggle within the couple’s relationship, suggesting the intricacies of communication and the pursuit of dominance.
“He felt ashamed that he had let his wife get him into a fight.”	The husband’s introspective moment reflects his awareness of the impact of his words and actions on their relationship, indicating the complexities of pride, insecurity, and regret.	Suggests the husband’s vulnerability and internal conflict, signaling potential for growth and renewal within their relationship as he confronts his feelings and seeks redemption through action.
“He stood there for a while, enjoying these sensations, then picked up the pail and went out the back gate.”	This moment of reflection signifies a turning point in the narrative, where the husband confronts his feelings of shame and seeks redemption through action.	Evokes a sense of uncertainty and anticipation, inviting speculation about the couple’s future and the complexities of love and intimacy.
“The room was silent. His heart pounded the way it had on their first night together…”	This concluding image evokes a sense of uncertainty and foreboding, suggesting unresolved tensions and the fragility of their relationship.	Leaves readers with a lingering sense of ambiguity and anticipation, inviting speculation about the couple’s future and the complexities of love and intimacy.